Christmas hope

Christmas is four days away, it's Saturday morning, and I'm waiting for the snow. Shirley has gone to work. I'm surfing the net, and enjoying our great God this morning.

Every now and then, the Spirit brings me back to a place where I can be penitent--a place where I can look back, even for a moment, look at myself, and be thankful.

The Psalmist wrote that God throws our sins as far as the east is from the west, and that He forgets them. Not because He has a bad memory, or because He's stupid......we know better than that--it's because He CHOOSES to do so, pure and simple. I, for one, am immensely thankful for that.

And this morning, the Spirit gently takes me to that place where I remember.....we are forgiven, but all the memories, unfortunately, don't go away--some do fade, though, and I'm glad for that. But I remember, and I am also reminded that I don't deserve God's grace. I deserve hell forever.

The world is fallen, and people don't always do the right thing........in fact, a lot of times they don't. I read about an artist this morning, one well-known, who went through a divorce a few years ago--and the rejection he felt, and how it hurt his career. I know how he feels. Many of us do. Many of us were forced into a divorce we didn't want. Our spouses, however, had other ideas. I'm not perfect. But I have always done my best to be a good husband and father, as a Christian. The divorce happened--against my will. Yet God, in His mercy, had other plans--to bring me a wonderful, lovely and loving wife (her inside is even more beautiful that she is on the outside), who loves and accepts me unconditionally, even with all my flaws, and my past.

I first received Christ when I was 12. I have tried to live as a Christian my whole life, but it didn't always happen. I failed sometimes, and failed miserably. Bad thing is, I intended to. We all do, when we decide to sin against God and people, when we get caught up in it. We're no different in that. When we fall into sin, we want to do it. And so, for the moment, it's our purpose--we want to do it, even though we know it's wrong. It doesn't matter, at that point. But after, we feel miserable, and then we try to justify it. One of the things that attracted me to monasticism is its penitent aspect--I NEED to Go before God often, with a repentant and sorrowful heart, for how I've behaved. And be reminded that I don't deserve anything, that it's all of grace. And then begin to learn to live in that fact, live in that reality. And finally begin to learn to enjoy God, the very thing He's always wanted--what He made us for.

That's what God does--He takes us where we are, with our ugliness and our mess that we (and with other people's help) have made of things: He takes us gently by the hand, picks us back up, and cleans us up, and helps us to stand up again. And then He helps us to walk again, just to put one foot in front of the other. Sometimes that's the way we have to live -- just very slowly putting one foot in front of the other, when the world beats us up.

The inn was full up, and our Lord was born in adverse circumstances, and laid in a dirty feed trough. He was called a bastard, ridiculed, and beaten (His beard was pulled out, for one) and crucified and rose so that we might live again. He is the only way I could live again. I would not be here if it weren't for Him. Our Christmas hope, mercy and joy is HIM.


fr francis