Dealing With Me

OK, I'm letting Lent happen. (Of course, what choice do I have -- it's here !) What I mean is, if you read in my previous post, I always come to Lent with a jumble of emotions, and even as a monk, I've never seemed to completely get my brain around this idea of "soul-searching" and the like. Yes, I enjoy being quiet and still before our Lord, and enjoying Him. And hearing from the Spirit concerning me, and where I am to be led.

But today, it's a bit deeper. Shirley and I are "Shorty-sitting." Shorty is Sr. Clare's miniature dachsund, and he's been an honorary brother in our order since day one (he's even got his own little habit...!). He's more than a mascot, he's our example: he loves unconditionally. Shirley's at work, I go in later, so it's me and Shorty and Athalia hanging this morning. And the folk-rock band "Seeds" is on -- they're form the Jesus People Covenant Church and community in Uptown Chicago, a group I had the privilege of living and ministering with in the early 90's. Great band and great bunch of people who love and serve.

In "Never Be The Same," here's the line --
So surrender your heart
To the maker of the stars
And the mover of the great four winds
And the healer of your soul
Shirley and I know about the four great winds and the surrender -- we're in Oklahoma City! We moved here from Houston in late '06 without jobs waiting, believing it to be God's will. And He has provided. AND blessed.

But I'm restless. Some of it is good and some of it is not. Time to be transparent: since I've been ordained, I've felt the call of the world stronger than I have in years. Yep, it's true. Now, don't misunderstand -- I'm happy and content with all God has given: my wonderful wife Shirley, our home, all His blessings to us, my new service as a priest (yeah, that's cool, still gettin' my feet wet!), and my awesome daughter Cheyenne, even if I rarely get top see her -- maybe I'll finally post on here about that. (Although, as a priest and a christian, I must try to do it in a way that doesn't directly slam anyone -- I'll let my writing with Fung-eye handle the slam, www.myspace.com/fungeye, check out the song "Fly Me Away.")

Music is one of the pulls. Let me be very straightforward here -- a christian is to do what he/she is called to do. Some of us are to make music and art, period, and that making isn't (for some) supposed to be an evangelistic tool. You may disagree with me. That's OK. Take a look at Bach, and then email me, and we'll talk. Some others are supposed to do music as a ministry. I'm probably supposed to do that (more than just playing in the church worship band). It's easier to just write for, and play in Fungeye. We'll finish the cd (full-length, 11 or so songs) and play out in clubs or wherever. Fungeye is not an evangelistic tool, nor is the band a ministry. Yeah, we're all christians. But we write about life, and have fun doing it. My life personally is to help people come to Christ and walk with Him, but the band's purpose is not to do that. It's to make good music. Honestly, that's easier for me. I want to just go and rock. And do ministry in another part of my life.

Doesn't work that way. Our lives are not to be compartmentalized -- one part christian and another part just regular. No, ALL of our life is christian. He is to have everything. But, homnestly, right now, the pull is very hard from the world, the flesh, and the devil, to do a lot of things I should not do -- things I am commanded to NOT do. Don't act shocked. Here's why I wrote this -- because you feel the pull, too. It's human and normal, we just feel it in different ways. Being tempted is not a sin. How we feel is not a sin; it's the dwelling on something that's wrong and the acting on something that's wrong -- now, THAT IS sin.

This Lenten season, join me, as weak human beings, in drawing closer to our great God, Who loves us in spite of ourselves. Remember: He lived on the planet for 33+ years, and felt everything we do, the writer of Hebrews tells us. So He knows how we feel. This minister, your brother in Christ, isn't going to sugar-coat anything about the christian life to make it go down any easier. You'll get the whole truth here. Truth: life is hard (yet joyful), and the world will pull hard. We are weak, but we musn't give in and then have to deal with the consequences of whatever it is (been there, done that, no shirt). The writer of Hebrews also wrote that our Lord won't allow us to be tempted beyond what we can bear. So grin and bear it, and draw close to our God in this Lenten season, and enjoy Him. Be strong and at peace in Him.

Email if you need prayer, the sacrament of confession, or to talk, or if I can help you in any way. Peace of Christ be with you.